This week, I have had lots of practice at having difficult conversations. As this is a common coaching topic and training enquiry, I thought I’d share the most useful rule I follow to ensure a successful outcome: Do not guess what the other person thinks.

Pretty obvious right? And yet so difficult to follow.

We’ve all done it. It is so tempting. ‘He thinks I’m stupid’, ‘She thinks she knows best’, or ‘He thinks I can do the job of 3 people’. Need I go on?

Practically, here’s how the ‘no guessing’ rule works. Unless someone explicitly tells you what they are thinking (clue: they will usually start with ‘I am thinking’ or ‘my thinking is’) assume you do not know what they think. And even then, proceed with caution. Most people do not say everything they think.

Guessing what someone might be thinking is highly addictive. Rather like speculating whether the Met Office will get the forecast right tomorrow. A fun game and excellent if you need to fill an awkward silence but ultimately completely pointless.

Ironically, what I have learned is that if you can avoid the temptation to guess , there’s no need to avoid the difficult conversation.