I was introduced to the work of author Ocean Vong this week. As we know, we see the world not as it is but as we are, so his perspective on the power of language was new to me.

Like him, I have long shared the belief that our ‘how are you?’ has failed us. Most of us are not really asking this question as if we want to know the answer. We are simply signalling that we are about to begin speaking. It’s why so many of us say things like ‘Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen’ at the beginning of a presentation or ‘Thank you so much for your time’ to mark the opening of a meeting. I call these phrases verbal throat clearing.

‘So what?’ you may ask. Well I would suggest that the quality of our relationships lies in the quality of our listening. So many of us focus on speaking. Yet if we want to build meaningful connections, remember the golden rule of effective communication: seek to understand others first.